Treatment Has Started

I still had a few more appointments to go to before Radiation and Chemo would start. Since I had a major reconstruction of my tongue and gum area my speech and swallowing has drastically changed. It’s pretty frustrating, but I can definitely tell a BIG difference in where I started after surgery and where I am today. 

Unfortunately, the chemo and radiation has caused my tongue, mouth and neck area to swell.. So, I’m going a bit backwards. Thankfully, I was warned this might happen. 

They sent me to take a barium speech and swallow test. It was very cool to watch the food and liquid on the screen go down my throat. They even offered to play it back for me if I wanted to watch it again. The good news is - I’m doing great! It doesn’t mean I don’t still have issues with my swallowing, and I definitely have a long way to go on speech… BUT, it means I have made significant progress and I’m on the right track. The speech & swallow team I am working with are incredible! I have heard nothing but good things about them and so far that’s what I’m experiencing.

On February 25th I started radiation at the Vanderbilt Ingram Cancer Center in Franklin, TN. I walked into the building full of hope, peace and eager to get this show on the road. It was a very strange feeling… I was grateful to wake up and start this process. I suppose it’s because my mindset is focused on how it can help me eradicate this cancer and move on with my life.

The first session of radiation was a tad frustrating because my face was a tad swollen after going to the orthodontist the day before. 

I had been using aligners to get a few of my teeth back in place (a suggestion from my surgeon to help move my teeth away from my tongue) and needed to remove the small buttons on my teeth. After they did this he had my teeth fitted for a set of new aligners so my top teeth will stay in place. Apparently once you remove teeth, if you do not put in implants the teeth above or below will begin to drastically shift and possibly fall out. So, I was grateful he told me it would be a good idea to do our best to keep them in place. If I’m able to wear the aligners without discomfort during chemo and radiation I’ll wear them at night. Otherwise, I’ll have them to wear once this process is over.

Back to radiation…

This whole process is very strange to be honest. I lay down on a very small hard rectangle bed with something to hold my head in place, an insert that goes under my knees, a plastic piece to hold my tongue down and keep my mouth open and finally they lock the cast in place. 

I now understand why they said they need this cast because they don’t want you to move during radiation. Let’s just say, other than breathing.. I can’t move.

My eyes were closed the entire time (mainly because I didn’t want to mess up my lashes, but also because it’s so tight I can’t open my eyes anyway) and as I sat there wondering what was happening around me all I could think of was this scripture…

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” -Philippians 4:13

I was kind of saying it over and over in my head reminding myself that I truly have supernatural strength because of Christ. Then, I started hearing a ton of machine movement, clicking sounds and a warm sensation on occasion.

Once I was done with radiation the only thing that had hurt me was my face from the cast.. I had small indentations all over my face, but my nose was especially bothered by it. Thankfully, one of the lovely techs made some adjustments to the mask/cast around my mouth area which gave some space in other areas of my face. I didn’t have any reactions or side effects just yet. 

My skin is considered fair and one of the primary side effects of radiation on the neck is what feels and looks like a sunburn. I ordered a slew of products to help with this (per my radiologists recommendations) and I’m grateful for amazon prime and being able to get them immediately. 

I am now experiencing this burning feeling you get and redness on my neck that resembles a sunburn. It’s not terrible right now, but I also have the weekend to rest and recover. I’m hopeful it will not get much worse as time goes on, but I’ve been told the radiation and chemo compounding over time will create a magnified effect. Fingers crossed I am the exception.

Over the next few days I continued to do my radiation treatment. I have to go Monday - Friday for 6 weeks. After Monday, I will have one full week under my belt!

Chemo day had finally arrived and I was ready to kick cancer’s butt!

Before my first chemo treatment we had radiation early that morning at 7:45 am, got an IV put in, blood drawn, went to check vitals and meet with the PA to ensure I’m able to receive my infusion. Thankfully, everything looked good. 

Mom & I had a bit before I was able to check in for my infusion so we grabbed a snack and waited for a bit. Can’t go wrong with guacamole!

Once I got checked in for my infusion the nurse was not thrilled with my IV and decided we needed to put in another one. Well, after getting poked 4 more times.. They brought in the ultrasound tech and he got it in me right away. That is something I was not proud to inherit from my mom.. Tiny veins! And yes, I had already been drinking a ton of water leading up to this moment.

Whatever they put in my IV for the preventative meds made me veeerrrrrryyyy sleepy! I ate something for lunch and then passed out for almost 3 hours!

On my way home I slept the entire car ride, woke up just long enough to eat something and went to bed. I have since slept 12 hours a night for the past 3 nights. The chemo meds and all the other drugs have truly zapped every ounce of energy I was beginning to muster post surgery.

I am incredibly exhausted from this treatment.. 

Significantly more than I ever imagined I would be… 

The chemo I am on is one of the strongest and most effective drugs for this cancer. So, while I am beyond grateful for modern medicine and insurance.. I am experiencing severe exhaustion as a result. Thankfully, I do not have much nausea and I haven’t vomited. Clearly things have come a very long way. They told me it’s not necessary to be a martyr with this process… They said it wouldn’t be easy, BUT if I am experiencing any side effects I need to let them know. Chances are they have probably already helped someone else deal with it. So, while I am already experiencing a lot of discomfort, I am grateful the preventative measures put in place are helping!

I have to remind myself multiple times a day this is only for a short season, and Becky 2.0 is currently loading and waiting to surface once this is all behind me.

It’s much easier to write these things for all of you to read than it is to truly remember in the moment…

I was told to focus on delegating as many responsibilities as I could for the next 12 weeks as I will not be able to perform at my normal capacity. The irony in the previous sentence is not lost on me… 

If you asked my boss why it’s slightly humorous, it is because I am an expert at delegating. If I see something in my life that I need done, but it doesn’t need me to do it.. I always ask myself if there is someone just as qualified to help me complete the task. It saves me time (possibly buying it back) and frees me up to focus elsewhere. 

This skill and habit has proven rather useful in my life as a working mom. 

However, now that I am forced to do it and require so much help during this treatment it’s not as appealing as it once was. The motherly tasks like bath time, reading before bed, packing school lunches, and having the energy to play a game or draw with chalk are all things we sometimes grudgingly show up for… Let’s face it - motherhood is exhausting! But, when you aren’t able to fulfill those needs (even if it’s only for a short time) your desire to avoid them diminishes because you know it’s not something you can physically handle. I am beyond blessed to have a momma who is able to help me so much. She moved in to help me get through the surgery and now all of my treatments. I know this is incredibly hard on her - physically, emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. No mother wants to watch their child suffer, and she is having to help me walk through a season of suffering. Thank you mamma for your time, talent and treasure. I love you!

I once had a house mother (someone who folded laundry, did dishes, watched the kids on occasion), a virtual assistant, a lawn care crew, and a pool guy. 

We also used (used to and still do) uber eats, doordash, instacart and amazon prime. 

Time is the one currency we can never get back or make more of. It’s the one thing we all desperately want to cherish before it’s too late.

Thankfully, I have a slew of people who are jumping in right and left and helping us get through this journey. 

Obviously, I’m not working right now and I am truly amazed at the generosity we have experienced. People have donated financially via gofundme, venmo, and many checks in the mail.

We have had an abundance of delicious food brought to the house constantly. 

AND - soooo many of you have volunteered your time. We have a dear friend picking the girls up for school every morning M-Th (this alone is a sacrifice for her but to commit to it daily amazes me). Thank you Lori - this “favor” goes above and beyond and I can’t thank you enough!!

We’ve also had multiple people help clean my house by a few of my mom’s besties - Leah, Kathy, Jan, and Deborah.

Other moms have picked up the girls and given them the blessing of playtime. 

A few people have given or brought me various protein shakes, dropped off flowers and offered to help in so many ways.

We received so many gift cards that have been a HUGE help - doordash, visa, kroger and so many others. 

I have tears in my eyes as I write this because it just goes to show how God truly thinks of every little detail. 

I never imagined I would be given a cancer diagnosis and ever have to go through this valley. But, I am incredibly grateful we have so many people in our tribe who have given their time, talent and treasure. I can’t thank you all enough. 

Speaking of thanking you.. I do hope to write thank you cards soon, but at this rate it might be the fall before you all get them. 

So many of you graciously check in with us each week. You can always reach out to my mom (Lisa Brock) if you’d be interested in volunteering your time, but for any financial donations you can use the gofundme, venmo or mail a check (send myself or Lisa Brock a message for the address).

However, my favorite way you can help us right now is through prayer. I have seen God show up in so many different ways and I know it’s because so many of you are going to Him on my behalf.

Tomorrow starts another week of treatments and I ask that you continue to keep me, my girls and my parents in your prayers.

“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. 8 The LORD is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.” Psalms 28:7-8