So Many Side Effects

A LOT has happened since my last blog post, and I’m thrilled to say I have completed 4 of the 6 chemo infusions and 19 of the 30 radiation treatments. 

It certainly has not been a walk in the park… BUT - I am beyond grateful for the treatment I am receiving and that my body is tolerating it relatively well.

BUT… Some of the side effects are really annoying.

Around week 2, I started to lose my taste.. That has been very disappointing. I can still smell which makes it all the more irritating when you can tell something is going to be delicious and it tastes like baking soda or nothing much at all. For a while I could still taste really sweet things. Lately, I can’t taste anything at all. 

I also have a lot of sores in my mouth from radiation burn. That means a lot of food is very painful to eat. So, I am stuck with very soft food, protein shakes and visiting my sweet friend Harley at The Social Nutrition in Smyrna, TN. 

I do really enjoy Demo’s Chicken & Rice Soup when I’m sick… So, we stopped and grabbed some of it for me recently. Thankfully, the broth was very comforting but I struggled to eat the chicken & rice. I plan on sending someone to get me more of the broth soon.

Overall, nutrition has been a BIG factor in this process. I’ve lost a little weight and that is a big no no right now. Basically, if I keep losing weight I’m going to have to get a feeding tube. I refuse to get one as I only have a few more weeks left and I know that I can get through this without it. I just have to be more intentional with my calorie in-take and try my best to get a lot of protein in as well. 

That doesn’t seem like it would be difficult, but when your mouth is full of sores (radiation burn) and nothing tastes very good - it can become frustrating to eat. 

I feel like I’ve done a lot of complaining so far… 

I apologize, but if I’m honest I’m just eager for this all to be over.

I want things to go back to “normal”, but what will normal look like when this is all over. 

They told me it’ll take around a year to get back to “my old self.” 

But, do I want to get back to my old self?

I told someone recently receiving this kind of diagnosis really makes you think about what you’d do if you had a limited amount of time left. 

I started thinking about how desperately I want to just be outside, on a farm, taking care of my kids and animals. 

I’d finish my book, share my story on stages and find a way to make money at home that I was truly passionate about sharing with others. 

The funny thing is… I’ve done all that before, which means I know I can do it again.

So, I’ve started working on a really fun project…

I am so eager to share it with you guys, but I still have a lot of logistics to work out first.

For now, I am doing my best to put the oxygen mask on first. I’m learning to delegate, rest as much as needed, and give myself a lot of grace. Oh, and be more intentional with nutrition.  

I’ve had a couple of days where I became very weak and dehydrated… 

Thankfully, they didn’t admit me because I promised to get right home and take my nutrition more seriously.

So, I’m trying to be patient with this journey, but patience is not one of my strongest qualities. 

When I set my mind on something… It’s pretty much a guarantee it’ll happen. 

So, I’m determined to make it through without another feeding tube (I had one when I left the hospital and hated it). 

I’m determined to lean into what God is teaching me during this time. 

I’m also determined to take action on it and share it with all of you when the time is right. 

I know God isn’t finished with me yet. 

BUT, he has me tucked away for a while to protect me or teach me something that is necessary to prepare me for what is next. 

During this especially hard season I have been incredibly blessed by so many generous people. I am truly in awe of how many people have become the hands and feet of Jesus.

I don’t have the energy to mention every name, but just know it is such a blessing to be loved by so many people. My family truly has an incredible village.

The prayers, the messages, the donations, the cards, the meals, the help with laundry, the house cleaning, the help with my girls, and so much more. 

It’s truly overwhelming to receive all of these blessings from so many people. 

When this all started back in January, I was really worried about paying my bills, affording the girls tuition, paying the remainder of my attorney fees (divorce is expensive), and just affording the treatment needed for this diagnosis.

And you know what happened…

People showed up with their time, talent and treasure. 

I just can’t say thank you enough for being so incredibly generous. It feels good to be loved by so many. 

I have 2 more weeks of treatment left and a long road to a full recovery (assuming my scans come back clean after this is all over). 

I don’t know what life will look like over the next few months… 

…BUT I do know…

I’m eager to start speech therapy and see what I can do to get back to my normal voice. I literally speak for a living… So, that challenge is one that has been taunting me throughout this process. 

I’m eager to build up my stamina again and get my dogs back home with me. I miss taking them on long walks, hiking the local trails and having energy to do normal motherly tasks for my girls.

I’m eager to see how God is going to use this incredibly difficult season for his glory. I don’t enjoy suffering, but if it’s necessary for what he is preparing me for or going to do through me - it will all be worth it.

If you’d like to make a financial donation you can use the gofundme or simply send a venmo. If you’d like to volunteer any time you can message me or my manager, I mean my mom (Lisa Brock).  The girls and I appreciate every penny sent our way. It’s been an incredible blessing as I am unable to work and do not have any paid time off or short term disability.

“A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” -Proverbs 11:25

I pray each of you is refreshed and blessed this week.