The Appointments Never End

The last 10 days have been full of appointments and new information. Each day I am slowly getting stronger, able to swallow more food, and I even washed my own hair today! 

It's pretty wild how quickly your world can change.

I went from landing a very exciting new job as a Marketing Director, moving into a rental that is brand new, meeting a man who has been incredibly kind to me through this, and feeling like I had finally started to see the promised land after a very hard season..

To a very serious cancer diagnosis, updating life insurance and an overload of information.

Needless to say, emotions have been very high in our house.

I’ve tried to give myself a lot of grace as we all work through these emotions. 

Both of my girls have dealt with it very differently and yet in many ways I’m not surprised at all with how they are handling it. It’s not something any child should ever have to hear and no parent should have to explain.

Thankfully, we are working through it together with the support of an incredible tribe and exceptional therapists.

Started last week with a nail appointment, because I felt like a little pampering was in order. It was nice to get dressed, ride in the car and feel like a human again.

After sitting in the chair for about 20 minutes, my back and neck started to really bother me. Thankfully, I was able to finish my appointment. 

Next up, I went to Vanderbilt and had my cast made that will be used on me during my radiation treatments.

I felt a little like a superhero when they created the mold. I put on a gown, laid down near the radiation machine, and they gave me instructions like.. Don’t move, keep this plastic thing in your mouth, etc..

Well, I kind of wanted to remind them I had a tongue surgery and anything in my mouth will likely be a disaster…

When she handed me the plastic piece I simply said, “I’ll do my best.”

I put it in my mouth and oddly enough, I was able to keep it in place, breathe easily and keep it still. I admit, I was proud of this simple feat. 

Next, they warned me the cast would initially feel like a warm towel and then would harden in place. Turns out she knew what she was talking about. 

Both nurses placed it on me and worked very quickly to snap everything in place. They stretched it over my head, neck and shoulders. I started with my eyes open and immediately wondered if my eyelashes had just come off (FYI - I wear fake eyelashes lol). I think the nurse thought I was initially joking but I asked if I still had my lashes when they pulled it off of me. I am happy to report - I did not lose any eyelashes.

Priorities right?!? 

The next day I had a visit with my physical therapist (whose kids also go to MTCS - that was a fun connection) and my home health nurse. I really like that I don’t have to go anywhere for these appointments each week as I am trying my best to limit my interactions with pretty much anyone. You know.. Germs!

On Thursday of last week I had an appointment for a CT scan of my heart & lungs. I also had an ultrasound of my thyroid. Apparently, the cancer I was diagnosed with can be very aggressive and the first place it spreads (after your lymph nodes) are to your lungs and/or heart.

Thankfully, all of my scans came back CLEAN!!!!

Some people say it’s your gut, maybe your intuition, but I know it was the Holy Spirit giving me peace of mind about it. I honestly went into both scans incredibly confident the cancer hadn’t spread. Obviously, I don’t claim to tell the future, but sometimes in life it seems we get small feelings or hunches about someone or something. This was one of those times.

It was also a huge relief from the treatment side as we can stay the course and keep our existing plan.

That same day we went on to two other appointments. I met with my oncologists’ nurse practitioner to go over all the chemo information. 

I will be on Cisplatin for 6 weeks starting February 27th. I have chemo treatments once a week on Thursdays. The side effects I will experience will be primarily driven by the radiation (that starts on the 25th). I will go 5 days a week (M-F) and the treatment for radiation only lasts about 15-20 minutes. Then, after we leave radiation on Thursdays, we will drive to downtown Nashville and I will have my chemo treatment at the Ingram Cancer Center. This appointment will take about 4-5 hours. 

After learning about all the lovely side effects, we then met with the pharmacist who went over all the drugs I will need to be on and things to do to manage pain, nausea, and the upcoming side effects.

While the treatment will last 6 weeks, a lot of the side effects will continue for 12 weeks and likely take me up to a year to return to my normal health. That was hard to hear, but I am also incredibly stubborn and a hard worker.. So, I know that timeline may be different for me.

I was grateful to have all of this information, but it was a tad overwhelming. The odd thing about it all was.. I don’t even care to read it. It’s not like I’m sticking my head in the sand and trying to cope with avoidance, but rather I know I’m about to experience it all and I don’t want to spend my next week constantly dreading the upcoming 6-12 weeks. I certainly want to be prepared (I am doing my best to ensure that I am) but I also don’t know exactly what my outcome will be and don’t feel the need to worry myself to death about side effects, studies and what google has to say about the cancer I was diagnosed with. I truly have an overwhelming sense of peace because I know that Jesus will be sitting beside me at every appointment.

After the initial shock and flood of emotions I began to settle my emotions and remind myself what I have spoken to so many others after many of the storms I’ve walked through…

There is a purpose for your pain.

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” -Romans 5:3-5

I won’t begin to say I’m going to have the best attitude and be inspiring the entire time, but I can only speak from the other experiences and storms I’ve walked through in my 37 years on this earth, and even though I still don’t like to recall some of those memories many of them are more than worth it because I can now see what I learned or they led me to.

And.. more than anything I pray my girls will be blessed and inspired by my journey. You know what they say, “More is caught than taught.” I sure hope they are paying attention! haha

Friday (which was also Valentine’s Day) I had one more appointment to clear me for chemo & radiation. Unfortunately, with all the appointments I’m not able to show up to all the special events that I would have attended otherwise.. 

Evelyn had fun with a few stand-in momma’s at her Valentine’s Class Party and Sara had a blast at winterfest with our church youth group. I am so grateful for the incredible people in our tribe that are giving their time, donating money, bringing us dinner, and all the other kind gestures that are too many to count. It’s hard to even put into words how grateful I am to know so many generous people. 

Apparently radiation can wreak havoc on your teeth, gums and salivary glands… So, in order to prevent this they sent me to the dentist at Vanderbilt to check out my teeth.

They did an X-ray, examined them and gave me even more education on the importance of taking care of my teeth, but more specifically the bottom right that I have left. He said I had 2 options: remove 2 teeth that could be at risk for causing some random issue that I can’t pronounce OR wait it out and do my very best to take care of my teeth.

I’m not going to go into detail, but the good news is I don’t HAVE to pull any teeth so I chose to keep them for now and try to take good care of them. Which I greatly appreciated as it would have been incredibly frustrating if they needed to remove any others and they didn’t do it during the major surgery I just had…

He did give me some bad news.. It’s going to be very unlikely that I’ll ever be able to get implants on the left hand side and replace all the 4 teeth I had pulled during surgery. That was a tad frustrating to hear, but I also thought.. He should have led with that information as it made my decision not to remove any other teeth much easier. 

I spent the weekend resting, watching a lot of Elementary, visiting with family and opening thoughtful gifts.

This week we started with the girls home for President’s Day and scheduling a bunch of other appointments. I have a swallowing test, a swallowing study, an appointment with a Physical therapist to work on my neck and shoulder, and a few others that might get scheduled

I never imagined getting sick would turn into a full time job. All these appointments, therapies and the rest my body requires take a lot of time. 

So many of you have been reading my blog and I greatly appreciate it. It encourages me to know so many of you truly care about my story.

Some of you have asked how you can help. You can always reach out to my mom (Lisa Brock) if you’d be interested in volunteering your time, but for any financial donations you can use the gofundme, venmo, or contact my mom to hear of specific needs. We have been incredibly blessed by so many of you already. I have been able to pay my rent, the girl's tuition was paid off, I paid a lot of rather large bills off and have had plenty of money to live on for the time being. This journey is turning out to be much longer than we originally anticipated so you all have been incredibly generous with your time, talent and treasure. The girls and I truly appreciate it.