A Successful Surgery
It’s been over 2 weeks since I walked through the Vanderbilt doors at 5:53 am for my surgery. Let’s just say… A LOT has happened.
We arrived at Vanderbilt hospital on January 24th, 2025 just before 6 am and pulled into the valet parking. I grabbed my small rolling suitcase, gathered my courage and walked through the Vandy doors. To my delight, my cousin Lindsey greeted me as I stepped off the elevator.
It was a blessing to see my Aunt Andrea (that’s my mom’s sister) and my cousin Lindsey (her daughter) before they called my name to get checked in for surgery.
They called my name and I went back for the 6th time. Yes… the 6th time. Up to this point, I have had 5 surgeries with Dr. Rohde trying to prevent a cancer diagnosis. I guess you could say I’m a bit of a pro. Once upstairs, I did all the things needed to prep for surgery. I didn't have the tiniest bit of anxiety until it got quiet. After about 20 minutes of changing, checking vitals, bathroom, etc.. The anesthesia team came in, the surgeons, nurses and a few others and my precious momma prayed over them all.
At this point - it was go time!!!
If you are a bit squeamish when it comes to medical stuff, just skip over the next few lines…
During my surgery they removed a cancerous tumor from my tongue. It had increased in size causing it to press up against my teeth, and spread into 6 other lymph nodes. Because of this they made the decision to remove 4 of my teeth and 30 lymph nodes.
Let’s just say… I am currently going through a box of tissues a day because my body still isn’t used to only having lymph nodes on one side of my neck. Something, I clearly never truly appreciated before - haha!
Once they finished their work on me, they took me to a “step-up” room and my recovery team took over.
The next 7 days challenged me beyond anything I have ever experienced.
I had a team of people coming in non-stop around the clock at Vanderbilt.
My surgeon’s team came in 2x a day to ensure the tongue they had to re-build and attach to the small amount of my tongue that is left kept blood flow moving through it.
The incredible nurses helped me manage my pain, and do all the other things these angelic people do.
After a couple of days the physical therapist came in, got me up out of my bed and walking around. The first time was incredibly annoying.. Haha! But once I started moving around, I was grateful they made me do it because I felt stronger each time I got up.
I was beyond blessed to have such incredible care for my entire stay at Vanderbilt.
This entire process has been overwhelming, exhausting and a tad surreal.
I busted out of the hospital on day 8 and came home to find one of my momma’s dear friends (who had been house sitting for me free of charge the entire time) had cleaned my home with some of my momma’s friends.
I’m of the mindset… messy house = messy mind. So, it was an incredible blessing to come home to such a clean house.
I’m sure they all thought I looked horrific walking through the front door.
I had scabs and scars all over my neck.
Blood soaked in my hair.
A wrap covering my wrist.
A feeding tube going through my nose.
Wound care on my left upper thigh.
My neck and back were bent over as I can’t stand all the way upright.
A bandage over my neck covering the site of my trach.
And a very wounded and depressed heart.
Thankfully, my girls did not see me until after my momma was able to help me shower off, change clothes,and get settled at home.
Over the next week of recovery we had to manage my pain with a lot of medications, feed me with a lot of protein shakes as I have rapidly lost a lot of weight, and establish a new normal to help me recover as quickly as possible.
On February 6th, 2025 I went in to my first follow up appointment with my radiologist. Yes, this was a bit backwards…
They had initially scheduled my follow up appointment to be with my surgeon but she went out of town for the week and they did not want me waiting to get into the Ingram cancer center at Vanderbilt.
It was a tad frustrating to walk into a bit of an ambush, but looking back it was probably for the best.
I had already read over the pathology report and it wasn’t bad, but it also wasn’t good (to my uneducated eyes).
So, I sat with glazed and tired eyes at this poor resident as he told me I was about to embark on a journey of radiation and chemo.
He didn’t know it, but he was the one breaking the news to me.
He did a beautiful job, and oddly enough reminded me of my cousin (who just graduated with his MD and PHD and getting placed as a resident this Spring in Oncology. Basically, he is incredibly smart and I would have no clue what he was saying).
I kind of imagined it was him talking to me.
It didn’t feel real.
I kept waiting for someone to walk in the room and say, “Oh mercy, this is the wrong patient.”
That never happened.
What transpired was a flood or information that seemed to fall on deaf ears.
I was so confused.
I thought they got all the cancer. Why would I need radiation?
And, why is this mess continuing? Hadn’t I already been through enough? Maybe this is some kind of sick joke?
I just sat in shock and thought…
Well, I suppose if anyone had to do it, it’d be me?
At least it’s not my girls?
Does this mean I’m going to die?
Should I make a bucket list?
People gave me all that money and I still won’t have enough?
Will I lose my hair?
What if I’m never able to publish my book?
I want to be at my daughter’s weddings or in the delivery room when they have babies.
Oh he is still talking… I should probably wake up and pay better attention.
Back to the medical stuff.
So, they told me, “Yes, she got clean lines and we think she got it all. However, this type of cancer is deadly, grows fast and looks angry under the microscope. So, we don’t want to give it a chance to grow or come back which means this is both preventative AND to ensure we nuke whatever is left.”
I have Stage 4 Squamous Cell Carcinoma.
Sounds super scary.
I suppose it is in a lot of ways, but anyone who knows every detail of what I have battled would tell you this is nothing for me to take on.
I am a warrior.
I’ll admit… I’m a tad intimidated by this fight.
They have warned me of the side effects and I’m not looking forward to those. I know I can handle them. I’ve had worse, but I’m just really angry right now.
I’m not angry at God because I know he can see the other side.
I’m just angry for my girls.
They have been through so much.
More than the average child will ever experience in a lifetime.
I’m angry because I’m mourning a life I wanted for them.
I’m angry because I can’t be the mom I envisioned I’d be for them.
I’m angry because I fought so hard for a life I knew they deserved and I can’t finish that battle right now.
I know God is sitting with me and Jesus is angry too.
A friend of mine told me, “You are the modern day Job.”
I feel like it. But, I don’t want to be. It seems like such an honor. But, I don’t want it. At least not right now.
I say all the time, “I’d go through every single second of hell I’ve been through before to get my girls.”
But this news and diagnosis made me think for a second.. “I went through hell for them and I’ll be damned if I’m not around to finish raising them.”
So, for what it’s worth…
I’m not giving up and I am gearing up for one of my toughest battles.
They are worth it.
This life is worth it.
I am worth it.
My calling is worth it.
After we left the radiologist (who I really like and respect) we met with my chemo doctor who specializes in head and neck cancers.
What a gift to live so close to the very people who work at Vanderbilt and specialize in this cancer!
We sat in the room (for way too long) waiting ever so impatiently until she came in and shared why I needed chemo, what kind of chemo and the long list of side effects…
So, more good news… (don’t worry they didn’t remove my sarcasm and lovely personality)
Although, I am happy to share that I'm not supposed to lose my hair!
I know… very superficial, but it was a win in my book!
However, after hearing so many of the side effects I might have preferred to just lose my hair….
For now, I go next week to have a CT scan of my chest to ensure it hasn’t spread to my lungs and heart. Pray it stayed localized!
I also have to have a cast made of my head, neck and shoulders for radiation.
They want to ensure my wounds all heal, and are giving me a few weeks until we start treatment.
I admit while I’m not looking forward to it, I just want to get it started so I can get it over with.
I will go 5x a week (Monday through Friday) for radiation and chemo 1x a week for 6 weeks.
The first 6 weeks will be hard, but apparently the 6 weeks that follow my treatment will be even harder.
A lot of pain management, side effects and residual issues that will have to be tended to.
So, for now.. I am going to enjoy as much food as I can possibly eat (I’m slow and I can’t chew well yet, but they want me to gain weight), rest as much as possible, allow any and all help, and spend time in God’s word.
I know there are many lessons to be learned before, during and after this difficult season.
My goal is to document as much as possible.
I don’t share it for personal gain, but for everyone to stay up to date, encouraged and hopefully inspired.
I pray this journey inspires you to be brave, encourages you to trust the path God has you on and motivates you to take action on your dreams.
